Why Delay Ejaculation?
If you’re a man with premature ejaculation you’d better watch out! All the research suggests that women in relationships with men who don’t know how to delay ejaculation are not satisfied with their sex life. Not only that, but they experience a lot more difficulty in their relationships with their men, and they have a lot more sexual problems of their own, than women in relationships where premature ejaculation is not a problem.
Makes you think, eh?
That seems like a heavy burden to carry for a man who ejaculates prematurely. Unfortunately, things are even worse than you might think. It turns out that women who are in relationships with premature ejaculators experience less lubrication during sex, and find it harder to reach orgasm. Why on earth should this be so?
Effects of Premature Ejaculation On Women
The obvious answer is that the men who don’t know how to delay their ejaculation simply don’t perform as well in bed. Perhaps they don’t satisfy their partners sexually. Perhaps they don’t know how to please a woman, and perhaps they’re more anxious when they’re in bed with a woman.
But it’s difficult to separate cause and effect here. (Does the man come quickly because his partner’s not into sex? Or does she fail to get aroused because he comes too quickly? That kind of thing.) What we do know is that about half of the women who are in relationships with men who cannot delay their ejaculations have difficulty reaching orgasm. And that compares to only a quarter of women in the population as a whole.
Now, there’s a link between how easily a woman reaches orgasm and the length of foreplay. That might suggest that men with premature ejaculation don’t enjoy much foreplay with their partners. And indeed, the finger of blame does seem to be pointing at you if you’re a man who ejaculates quickly!
I mean, in truth, if you’re ejaculating prematurely, are you doing the right thing by your woman in bed? In other words, are you making love skillfully and trying to please her, or are you so wrapped up in your own rapid ejaculation problems that you’re forgetting there’s somebody else beside you – or under you – in the bed?
The other problem women have when they’re in a relationship with a premature ejaculator (that’s you, man!) is that when the man ejaculates, sex stops. Sound familiar?
For a woman (and now we’re talking about your partner), who is probably not even very aroused, and in reality may only just be starting to get excited sexually, the end of sex represents a sudden break in intimacy and connection with her partner. Take it from me, women are not happy about this.
You can see this displeasure in the way women react to your lack of knowledge about how to slow down your ejaculation as time goes by in a relationship. Generally, to start with, a woman doesn’t say much about it, because she’s frightened of hurting her partner’s feelings, or making him feel even more sexually inadequate than he already does.
(Oh dear. If a couple don’t talk about something as important as ejaculating too soon during sex, you might think there’s a lack of intimate and honest communication in the relationship anyway.)
However, as time goes by, a woman gets more and more frustrated, and eventually she’s so annoyed with his inability to stop premature ejaculation that she tries to talk about it with him. At this point, the man generally denies there’s a problem or simply won’t talk to her about it. Does that sound familiar? If it does, you’d better change the way you’re acting pretty quickly. (Read on to find out why this delay in coming does you a whole world of good.)
Women in this situation are but a short step away from beginning to feel deep frustration and anger about their man’s premature ejaculation. Anger about his lack of consideration for her sexual pleasure. And more often than not, these feelings develop into bitterness, contempt and resentment. Now, do you want to live in a relationship where those are the predominant feelings? No, of course not!
So the best reason to find out how to delay ejaculation is that your partner will turn against you sooner or later. Ejaculating prematurely is no good for either of you! (Hint – get the program advertised on the right hand column of this site!)
She’s not going to put up with her lack of orgasms, or with you suddenly and unexpectedly ejaculating during lovemaking, or with the inevitable end to your physical intimacy during sex because you come too soon, for ever.
One way or another she’ll get her revenge on you, even if she has to do it in a passive- aggressive way, by “losing” her sex drive. Or not lubricating. Or not reaching orgasm. And that doesn’t make things any easier for anybody.
And before we draw this dismal information to a close, I should mention that women who are in relationship with men who don’t know how to delay orgasm seem to blame the man for his inability to last longer in bed. And the significance of that, is what, you may ask? Well, women in relationships with men who have erectile dysfunction blame themselves for his problem. It seems that a man with premature ejaculation just can’t win.
Effects Of Not Knowing How To Delay Ejaculation
Oh-ho, there’s a lot of information here. Not surprising, because premature ejaculation is one of the big issues for men in a sexual relationship. Oddly, though, even if it makes a man feel sexually inadequate, he often doesn’t do anything about it.
I think that’s because the pleasure and satisfaction of an orgasm is so intense that it can make you forget your partner’s needs even if you regularly blow your load too quickly.
Maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t. But here are some facts: men who don’t know how to delay ejaculation say they are less satisfied with sex, that their relationship is more difficult with their partner, and that they’re less satisfied with life in general. (Compared to men who know how to delay their ejaculation, that is.)
Crikey! It seems that the effects of premature ejaculation go far beyond the bedroom. If you’ve read the section above, you’ll know that women aren’t too chuffed about it either. But for men, it seems to be a major deal — even though, as I said above, they tend not to do anything about it.
So just what does premature ejaculation mean for a man?
First of all, like I said above, not knowing how to slow down ejaculation tends to make him feel sexually inadequate.
Young men who haven’t got a girlfriend say that they don’t like going out and trying to find a relationship because they fear the embarrassment that comes from ejaculating quickly.
They are actually prevented from getting a relationship because they come too quickly. That is no small deal.
Men are often reluctant to talk about premature ejaculation. So a young man may meet a girl but not know how to start talking about his early climax, and then they’re both disappointed when they finally get into bed together and have sex. Some men avoid the issue by claiming there isn’t any kind of problem, or by saying there’s no point trying to do anything about it because there aren’t any treatments that work. (Huh. Talk about denial.)
The irony is, we are all highly programmed to “perform” in bed, and most men actually want the satisfaction and ego boost that comes from satisfying or pleasuring a woman. (That means, of course, bringing her to orgasm, preferably during intercourse.)
So there’s a real paradox here: on the one hand men want to perform well in bed, and on the other they come quickly, but they don’t bother finding out how to delay ejaculation.
Urrgghhh. But it doesn’t have to be like this, because one of the best treatment programs available is advertised on this website, and you can click on the link to the right-hand side to see exactly what it is. Come to think of it, you can click here to end premature ejaculation, too.
The thing is, over and over again, research has shown that men who have premature ejaculation, or come quickly, have a low level of sexual self-confidence. In general that’s more significant in their minds than the effect that their rapid ejaculation might have on their relationship!
Anxiety about coming quickly, and embarrassment about doing so, are also very common among men who cannot delay ejaculation and who come prematurely. They often say they’re depressed because of it. And almost every man who comes quickly says that his confidence in life is diminished because of his performance in bed. Why?
I think the answer is that men see longer sex as better sex. And I think we all see better sex as the mark of a man. (So the opposite is true for premature ejaculators: “Shorter sex without control means you are a….” Fill in the gap for yourself.)
Unfortunately that’s an opinion probably shared by most of the women in relationships with men who can’t last longer during sex. Be that as it may, you can see how men with a tendency to ejaculate prematurely could easily be lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem. They’re just not alpha males, in their own minds!
I’ve already mentioned the fact that some men don’t even try to find a new relationship because of the embarrassing experiences that result from not knowing how to delay ejaculation when making love to a women. Of course, if you never go to bed with a woman, you’re never going to learn how to develop ejaculation control and last longer!
This means that a man wants to get over premature ejaculation must be prepared to talk to his partner about it openly and intimately.
Also think on this: anxiety is both a cause of premature ejaculation and a consequence of it. (Don’t get it? Look at it this way. Do you ever think anxiously about coming too soon? And doesn’t this anxiety make you climax even quicker?)
Beating anxiety by learning to relax during sex is one of the key foundation stones to controlling the speed with which you approach your orgasm and slowing down your ejaculation. All of that is described in my recommended treatment program.
One interesting thing scientists have discovered is the variable way a man with premature ejaculation describes his problem. So, for example, you find some men who come just before or after they penetrate their partner who say they have only a “moderate” problem. Yeah, right. That’s a completely unrealistic view, since the average length of intercourse is 5 to 7 minutes before ejaculation. More denial, yes?
The Effect of Premature Ejaculation On A Couple
Very often a woman thinks that she might well reach orgasm during intercourse if only her man was able to last longer before he ejaculated. That’s probably not true, since a lot of women can’t reach orgasm during intercourse, but it’s an interesting attitude.
It suggests that a lot of women are blaming their lack of orgasm on a man’s premature ejaculation. Of course whether that’s true or not, it doesn’t make a man feel any better about himself. So are all couples where the man does not know how to delay ejaculation going through a hard time?
I think the answer is it depends what you mean by “premature”. (Too soon, too quickly, too early, rapid, fast… hmm. Let’s see.)
Suppose that a couple are very much in love, and spend a couple of hours playing with erotic massage, kissing, oral sex, and other sexual techniques, until they are extremely aroused. She has one or more orgasms before he enters her. Suppose that the man, highly aroused, then penetrates his partner, and ejaculates after only 30 seconds. Would that be premature ejaculation?
Possibly. But would the couple be satisfied with their sexual encounter, especially if the woman had an orgasm before he entered her? Almost certainly.
So you have to be a little bit careful here. That’s why “premature ejaculation” is defined as an ejaculation that happens too quickly and leaves the couple feeling dissatisfied. After all, some couples may be very happy with extremely short intercourse.
Another thing that men tend to forget when they talk about premature ejaculation is that it isn’t how quickly a man ejaculates that’s important in defining the condition. It’s not really helpful to think of “premature” as meaning two minutes of sex, three minutes, or whatever. What’s actually important is how much control a man has over his ejaculation.
A man who has a great deal of control can choose whether to come quickly or slowly depending on what he and his partner want. A man who has almost no control over his ejaculation most of the time is a premature ejaculator however you define “premature”.
But there’s more….
The thing is, you also have to remember that what’s sexually satisfying and pleasurable one couple isn’t necessarily going to satisfy another. That’s why there is such a personal element to the definition of premature ejaculation.
I’ve met couples able to make love for 15 minutes or more who were definitely dissatisfied with the length of intercourse (“too short”) and who were convinced the man had premature ejaculation.
One of the big things behind this attitude is a woman’s desire to reach orgasm during intercourse through her partner’s thrusting alone. And sure, some women can do this, but they’re definitely in the minority. Say 15% of women or fewer.
For most women it’s an unrealistic hope and expectation that they will come during intercourse. Mostly, a woman will achieve orgasm if her man stimulates her clitoris, an outcome generally more pleasurable and emotionally satisfying for her if he’s got his finger or his penis inside her vagina at the same time.
There is another aspect to premature ejaculation which sometimes is overlooked. Premature ejaculation doesn’t always happen with every partner.
Sometimes it will only occur in a specific situation, or with a specific partner. Sometimes it happens with everyone, everywhere. Medics use the terms “situational” and “global” to describe these two types of premature ejaculation.
And there’s a clue here perhaps about how PE starts. If a man experiences premature ejaculation with a new partner, either in a relationship or outside a relationship, then he’s probably very sexually excited. He may come too soon for his liking, or his partner’s liking. In either case, we’re back to the fact that he has little control over how to obstruct, slow down, impede or delay his ejaculation. So the next time he has sex, he fears it will happen again. And thinking about it, focusing on it… guess what? No surprise. He comes too soon. Again..
Find Out How To Delay Ejaculation
Most men lose interest in sex after they’ve ejaculated, so sex really does tend to come to an abrupt end when the man reaches orgasm. For women, who are often multi-orgasmic, this can be a really annoying experience.
So one of the key things you can do if you’re a man who comes quickly is to give your partner an orgasm before you ejaculate.
You can use your tongue, your lips, your mouth and your fingers on her clitoris and vagina to bring her to an exciting orgasm that will go a long way towards satisfying her before you start to have sex. This makes premature ejaculation seem a lot less important.
By the way, I didn’t mention the fact that as long ago as the 1950s, Alfred Kinsey thought that about half of all men ejaculated within two minutes of entering their partner. Some research done quite recently demonstrated that nothing has changed in the years since then. The average length of intercourse, among men who define themselves premature ejaculators, is still just about two minutes.
Another interesting point is that the average duration of intercourse is around seven minutes. This means that men who don’t know how to delay ejaculation are coming very quickly, and there must be a lot of them. (Estimates range from 50% to 75% of all men.)
I know that this is against a social and cultural background which actually regards long-lasting intercourse as very important to both the man and the woman. If you think about it, most of the images of sex that you see on TV and in films and movies depict lovemaking as panting, sweaty, long-lasting, and very satisfying for both partners.
Is it any wonder that unless premature ejaculation is dealt with, it can lead to irritability, stress, and disconnection between a couple?
The point I’m making here is that premature ejaculation isn’t just a man’s problem. It’s a couple’s problem. And certainly if the man’s going to get over it, his partner will have to help him.
For treatment to be effective, a woman has to understand that her man’s going to feel both embarrassed and ashamed about PE. And he needs to know that she may feel frustrated, resentful and angry. If they don’t communicate about this, the recipe is one of disaster.
I want to emphasize that using distraction techniques (think about “roadkill”) and many other recommended tricks are not at all useful for a man seeking ways to delay ejaculation.
Other things that don’t work hard drinking alcohol, using recreational drugs, or wearing a couple of condoms (or delay cream, for that matter).
The fact is, to control PE, you need to control your sexual responses, and the only one way of doing that is to use a program specifically designed for the purpose. (Funnily enough, I sell one.)
The last point I want to make here is this. Sometimes a woman, sometimes a man, actually finds premature ejaculation useful in some way, even if they say something different. For example, she may not like sex very much, and would prefer to get it over with as soon as possible. Or a man may have a deep-seated fear of women, or not be able to trust a woman very much. Guess what purpose the man’s early ejaculation serves here?
So, if you have any suspicion that your partner is not fully into sex, then you really do have to talk about the problem together. That’s how you can delay ejaculating for long enough for your partner to get pleasured. OK?